I

Why would anybody bother

to hear you read aloud

some doggerel about your father?

You’ve got nothing to cry about.

II

The best are known to the elect

and so have everlasting life.

The rest we must reject.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself.

III

Shine some light on that blotch.

There’s something dirty inside.

Show us what you’ve got.

You’ve got nothing to hide.

IV

Damien Hirst did it first with gold.

Your indulgence cannot be sold.

The face is pinched and fat.

You can do better than that.

V

If you mess and do what you want,

why should it matter?

You cannot ignore the canons of art.

You should have known better.

VI

We see no significant form

in your knick knack.

Look here. Listen and learn.

Do not talk back.

VII

What do you mean by it all?

Did you plan or just wing it?

What is this bobble head doll?

Slow down. Deep breath.

If you can’t say it, sing it.

VIII

Sure, you’ve done pretty well,

selling time to mammon, but yet

mediocrity is hell.

Be thankful for what you get.

IX

This goat dog is vague and blobby.

Nobody wants what you do.

Retire to your dilettante hobby.

This is good enough for you.

X

While you made toys we spoke with god.

They’re not precious, just putty and wood.

To raise good boys we can’t spare the rod.

Trust us, it’s for your own good.

Chancel dummy reading 2011