Late at night in the lab I knew you were cool

No matter where my mind chanced to roam.

When my promotion fouled some bureaucrat’s rule

I pulled out all my chips and went home.

There’s this girl at work that I’ve come to favor.

She’s engaged to a guy I don’t trust.

She gave back to me the diamonds I gave her.

I hammered those diamonds into dust.

My program keeps track of product assurance.

That’s how I know it’s not very safe.

Company guards have me under surveillance

so I won’t give their secret away.

(chorus:)

My crawlspace is bugged by CIA.

FBI agents can look through walls.

Aliens beam their hypnotic rays.

Schizophrenic waltz.

You cannot out vote me. We have equal shares.

They want to steal our technology.

You’ve worked on the prototype over two years

but can’t show it to anybody.

I drive by your house in my Toronado.

I’ve got you and your wife in my sights.
I demand to be let out of the hoosegow,

bound by my constitutional rights.

Why did you tie up my son for the weekend?

No, he spent the whole weekend in jail.

His friend Moersdorf went down and tried to see him

and his brother James posted his bail.

If you have to deal with someone who’s crazy

and you’re wondering what you should do

don’t even bother to talk to the family

‘cause their family will be crazy too.

(chorus)

Sorry you don’t have the money for lawyers.

You two must mediate in the court.

I say I saw you molesting your daughter.

Cop says are you guys lovers or what?

You made me kick in the door to the office.

and I told the landlord it was you.

After I cut up the gun in small pieces,

then I cut up the circuit boards too.

For two more years you get IRS letters,

four years to start a new company.

It takes six years to pay back your investors,

twenty six years to write about me.

(chorus)